That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
