i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's always time for handjobs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
