Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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