after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
