Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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