just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
