im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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