Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know