You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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