I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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