the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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