Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its about making memories worth repressing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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