She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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