No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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