I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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