I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??