I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you