I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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