i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im part way to drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now