You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.