He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.