Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.