hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?