Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
