you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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