dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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