I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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