About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
