i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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