Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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