watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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