hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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