Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize