I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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