i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just high enough for therapy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
