shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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