I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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