Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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