WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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