first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sober January is a disaster.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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