how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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