Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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