if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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