imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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