dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
