i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
