That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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