think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
