someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize