wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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