Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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