i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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