I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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