You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
