I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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